


you burn so brightly in the dark

by quietuniverse



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Alternate universes but only within Eddie's head, Angst, Christopher Diaz is forever the MVP, Eddie Diaz is emotionally constipated but he's learning pass it on, Eddie learns to deal with his feelings and we're proud, First Kiss, Fluff, Getting Together, M/M, a wee smidge of sex but blink and you'll miss it, bad timing, eddie begins, honestly there's really a rollercoaster of emotions happening, so many feels, there's sand and a beach but this definitely isn't a vacation for Eddie, two idiots in love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-23
Updated: 2020-07-23
Packaged: 2021-03-05 04:21:22
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,205
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25458466
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/quietuniverse/pseuds/quietuniverse
Summary: He was going to die down here, wasn’t he?Eddie’s mind, which had kicked into overdrive as soon as the tunnel caved in and began to fill with freezing cold water, now insistently urged him toward a quiet place in the depth of his thoughts. A place where the water he was swallowing no longer burned his throat, where his panicked frenzy melted into an agreeable calm.His consciousness drifts out to sea, and he with it.—or, a different take on where Eddie went inside of his head during "Eddie Begins" as the collapsed tunnel began to fill with water, and how he found the strength to find his way back to shore. whilst getting a wake up call over his not-so-platonic feelings for his best friend along the way in the form of a whiplash-worthy featurette of alternate universe scenarios.
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV)
Comments: 34
Kudos: 247





	you burn so brightly in the dark

**Author's Note:**

> So this idea came to me...and then perhaps spiralled just a bit. This is my alternate take on what went on in Eddie's mind while the tunnel began to fill with water. He's got a whole lot of feelings to sort through, and this was perhaps also just my excuse to go rapid fire between angst and fluff. Oop. Enjoy!
> 
> the title comes from "Do Better" by Say Anything

_He was going to die down here, wasn’t he?_  
  
Eddie’s mind, which had kicked into overdrive as soon as the tunnel caved in and began to fill with freezing cold water, now insistently urged him toward a quiet place in the depth of his thoughts. A place where the water he was swallowing no longer burned his throat, where his panicked frenzy melted into an agreeable calm.  
  
His consciousness drifts out to sea, and he with it.  
  
When Eddie finally comes to, he sputters and coughs, the taste of saltwater on his tongue. He’s facedown, and he pushes himself up onto his back to assess his surroundings. He’s lying in soft, wet black sand, on a beach that he’s never seen before. Waves lazily creep in, licking at his feet, only to retreat dutifully back into the inky black waters whence they came. It’s twilight, the horizon is tinged with shades of blue and purple, and the stars have just begun to yawn and stretch across the sky.  
  
Eddie tries to remember how he ended up here, but he finds that following the thought is like chasing a trail of smoke. The harder thinks about it, the more dispersed and hazy the memories become. He sighs, wiping his sandy hands on his pants before running a hand over his face.

“Hi Dad.”  
  
His head jerks up and to the left, toward the direction that Christopher’s voice had come from. He finds his son sitting on a large rock nearby, smiling at him.  
  
“Mijo?”

Eddie stands and makes his way toward Christopher, and he’s confused to find that his damp clothes are now dry again. Taking a seat on the rock beside him, he studies his face for a few moments, reaching up to run a hand through his son’s golden curls.  
  
Christopher smiles. “Stop thinking so hard, Dad. You’re not dead.”  
  
Bewildered, Eddie tilts his head to the side, biting his lip as he mulls over his predicament. “Okay. So where are we then?”  
  
Shrugging, Christopher responds, “You’re somewhere.”  
  
Eddie doesn’t miss the choice wording of his son’s response, and he asks, “Are you really here, Christopher?”  
  
Christopher giggles before answering, “I’m always in your head, Dad.”  
  
Eddie drops his head into his hands, groaning, “Death couldn’t have sent me somewhere with less remote accommodations?”

He feels a hand resting on his shoulder, and he looks up into his son’s eyes as Christopher softly responds, “I mean it. You’re alive. This is...in between.”  
  
Eddie can feel his heart rate begin to pick up as flashes of a memory come unbidden into his consciousness—water, so much water, and darkness. Christopher, clearly sensing his father’s unease, tugs on the sleeve of his shirt. “Breathe, Dad. What you’re thinking about isn’t important right now.”  
  
“What do you mean it’s not important right now? Am I unconscious? Am I drowning? Am I dying?”  
  
His son shakes his head, “Time works differently here. You’re going to have to trust me.”  
  
Letting out a shaky breath, Eddie’s eyes sweep across black sands in front of them, which almost appear to twinkle in the soft caress of light remaining from the sky above. “So what am I doing here, then?”  
  
“You need to learn,” Christopher responds matter-of-factly.  
  
Eddie sighs, “Learn what, exactly?”  
  
His son gives him a knowing smile. “About what you’re fighting to get back to right now.”  
  
Though he’s still uncertain of what exactly happened to him before he ended up here, there’s now a deep ache settling within Eddie’s gut, a pull, an urge to move. His next words tumble out of his mouth naturally, though he’s not quite sure where they came from, “I’m fighting to get back to you, Christopher.”  
  
Clearly whatever riddles his mind has wrapped him up within aren’t so easily swayed, though, because Christopher shakes his head as he replies, “There’s more to it than that. And you can’t just say it, you need to understand it.”  
  
He groans. “Okay. How do I do that?”

Christopher points off into the distance, toward the black sand dunes and the palm trees that are rhythmically swaying in a gentle breeze that he can see but he can’t feel. He doesn’t remember getting up, but Eddie soon realizes he’s on his feet and standing a few paces away from the rock they had been seated on. He turns back toward Christopher to ask him another question, but he’s gone.  
  
Resigned to the fact that closing his eyes and ignoring this likely won’t help him, he begins to walk in the direction that Christopher had indicated. 

Eddie walks, and he walks some more. The sand softly crunches and slides beneath his feet. He’s not sure how much time has passed, because it feels like hours but the sky hasn’t gotten any darker. 

Just as he slows to a stop and throws his arms in the air in exasperation, he feels the ground beneath his feet begin to rumble and shift. For the briefest of moments, he envisions a deep tunnel, and then he’s falling.

* * *

In the blink of an eye, between one breath and the next, Eddie finds himself seated on a couch. A nice couch, in a nicely decorated living room, which he most certainly does not recognize. He hears a familiar voice floating in from another room, though, and he perks up immediately. Buck walks in, and Eddie quickly stands up and breathes out, “Oh thank god, you’re here.”  
  
Buck tilts his head to the side, grinning, and laughs as he responds, “Well, this is my apartment. Why wouldn’t I be here?”  
  
“Your...apartment…?” Eddie trails off, because he was just on a beach and now he’s here and Buck definitely doesn’t live here and _what the fuck is happening_.  
  
His best friend gives him a lopsided smile, “You okay man?”  
  
And then...Ali walks into the room? And kisses Buck softly on the cheek? If Eddie was confused before, he’s just floored at this point. She looks over at Eddie and gives him a playful smile as she says, “Alright boys, not to be the bearer of bad news, but bromance hour is over. We have a wedding to plan!”  
  
Eddie’s about to ask who the hell is getting married, when Maddie and Chimney also enter the room, arms linked. He lets out a breath of air. _Right. Of course._  
  
Ali walks around and hands everyone a piece of cardstock the size of a greeting card and says, “Alright, so what do we think of this design for the invitations?”  
  
Eddie takes a seat on the couch again, and his mouth goes dry when he looks down at the paper in his hands.  
  


**_You are cordially invited to the wedding of  
Evan Buckley  
&  
Ali Martin_ **

**_  
_ **  
He sputters out a cough, choking, and Buck rushes over to pound him on the back. He looks at him, eyes full of concern, “You okay man?”  
  
Ali quips from across the room, “Okay, so maybe teal wasn’t the best color…”  
  
Eddie jumps up and hightails it out of the room, making an educated guess as to where the bathroom would be located. He quickly closes the door behind him, though he can still hear Buck’s confused voice, as he had followed him to make sure he was okay. Leaning heavily on the counter, he stares at himself in the mirror.  
  
“What the fuck.”  
  
His mind was reeling. How did he get here? Why was Buck getting married? Why was Buck getting married to Ali of all people?  
  
And why in the fucking world did this revelation make him want to throw up?

He turns on the sink, and goes to splash his face with cold water. Without warning, his entire body is suddenly drenched from head to toe. And finds himself laying facedown on the black beach again.  
  
Pulling himself to his feet, Eddie glares in no particular direction at the desolate island that seems to be taunting him. He speaks out into the balmy air, “Okay. Buck is going to marry Ali? Is that what you’re trying to tell me? Good for him.”  
  
He hears a small sigh beside him, and looks down to find Christopher standing there. His son glances up at him, squinting, as he shakes his head and says, “Try again, Dad.”  
  
Eddie, bewildered, begins to back up as he says, “Again? No. I’m good. I think I need to figure out my problems in the real wor—” but he’s cut off as a raging wave somehow breaks free from the otherwise peaceful waters and pulls him under.

* * *

He’s standing in the middle of the fire house while the other members of the 118 are milling about cleaning the trucks. A hand claps him on the back as Chimney walks by him, and his coworker turns back to look at him and says, “Sup, Eddie?”  
  
Eddie nods to him, feeling slightly disoriented. Hen walks up a moment later, and greets him as well. He asks in response, “Hey, where’s Buck?”  
  
Hen cocks her head to the side in confusion. “Are you two...talking again?”  
  
An unpleasant feeling begins to curdle in the pit of Eddie’s stomach, “Um, I just mean, is he coming in today?”

Chimney turns around to look at both of them, hesitant. He says, “Did you ask Buck to meet you here? I wouldn’t blame you, seems like a neutral place to talk after so long.”  
  
Eddie’s head is spinning, and he feels like he’s going to be sick. “What are you talking about?”  
  
Hen shoots Chimney a look of concern as she ushers Eddie into the locker room to sit down on the bench. She places an arm around his shoulders and gently says, “Look, I know things have been a whirlwind since you and James started dating and then Buck transferred to another station...but you know you can talk to us, right?”  
  
He’s definitely going to be sick. Eddie puts his head in his heads, running a hand through his hair. He’s out now apparently, so okay, that’s a thing. But why aren’t he and Buck talking? Are they not friends anymore? Why did he transfer to another station? Is Buck not okay with him being bi?  
  
More thoughts begin to linger on the outskirts of his mind, thoughts he usually keeps tucked neatly away, but the ground beneath him begins to shake in tune with the panic rising in his chest.  
  
He reaches out for Hen, but she disappears, falling like sand through his fingertips. And so he’s alone again, sitting along the shoreline.

Getting to his feet once more, Eddie mutters to himself angrily as he begins to walk. He’s so annoyed and distracted that it barely phases him when he weaves between two palm trees and the world around him blinks into darkness.

* * *

Eddie barely has time to take in his latest surroundings before he’s shoved up against a brick wall. And a pair of lips crashes against his, insistent and angry. He doesn’t know why, but he melts into it, opening his mouth to deepen the kiss. A hand cards through his hair and the briefest moan escapes his lips. The hand grips and pulls tightly, tilting his head to the side to break the kiss.  
  
“Are you fucking happy now? Is that what you wanted?”  
  
Buck’s furious voice brings him back to reality—whatever reality this is. They’re both breathing hard, and Buck almost looks like he’s been crying. He continues, “Why the hell would you do this to me now? Here, of all places?”  
  
Eddie looks around, not quite understanding what he’s gotten himself into this time around, as they’re standing in a nondescript alleyway.  
  
Buck scoffs, his voice breaking slightly as he carries on with his tirade, “Honestly, Eddie. You show up at my fucking engagement party hammered, you spend all night flirting with me, you try grabbing my goddamn dick in the bathroom? Abby’s probably going to kill both of us when we get back inside.”  
  
Dumbfounded, Eddie latches onto exactly one part of Buck’s rant and says, “Abby?”  
  
Buck looks positively astounded as he laughs dryly. His voice threatens to crack as he responds, “Yes? Abby? Abby whose ex-fiancé died from his injuries after train crash? I ignored her calls for weeks because I was still hung up on you after the tunnel collapse? We kissed at your house and you clammed up like a fucking dead oyster and proceeded to basically throw me at her, that Abby?”

  
Eddie blinks a few times, feeling an odd sensation at the mention of a tunnel collapse, but it passes after a moment. He opens his mouth to speak, but finds that he has absolutely no idea what to say in return.  
  
Buck glares at him, shaking his head. “Forget it, man. I’ll order you a fucking Uber. You need to go home.”

He turns to leave, pulling out his phone and bringing up the app. Eddie’s hand shoots out and grips Buck’s forearm. Buck turns back to look at him, eyes alight with too many emotions for him to deduce. “Evan…,” he trails off.  
  
Buck laughs hollowly, “Nope. Nah. No way. You don’t get to call me that. Not after this.”  
  
Eddie deflates slightly. “I’m sorry.”  
  
Shaking his head, Buck’s voice waivers with emotion as he responds, “You’re really not, though,” and walks away.  
  
Eddie tries to chase after him in vain, grabbing the handle of the door that Buck had just walked through. Yet as soon as he steps forward, he trips, and he’s lost in darkness yet again.

* * *

Eddie opens his eyes, gasping for air, as he finds himself lying face up on the beach. The sky hasn’t changed; the twinkling stars overhead seem to taunt him. He grips at the damp sand beneath him, lifting his hands and letting it fall through his fingers, breathing hard.  
  
A shadow leans over him—Christopher. “Do you understand yet, Dad?”  
  
He has to bite back a sarcastic response asking if this is his mind’s way of addressing the fact that he’s an emotionally repressed idiot who clearly has some conflicting feelings about his best friend. Feelings which he’s damn near become an expert at hiding in plain view, because...well...he’s got a laundry list of reasons.  
  
First and foremost being: indulging in his own personal fantasy wasn’t worth scaring off the best friend that he had ever had. On top of that, he absolutely couldn’t risk the fallout that losing Buck would have on Christopher, not after losing Shannon, too. And honestly, Eddie knew he was a fuck up on even his best days. He had anger issues, he was emotionally constipated beyond belief, and he was already fighting what felt like a losing battle to prove he wasn’t the worst father on the planet after having left Christopher all those years ago. So no, he didn’t deserve Buck, thank you very much for asking. 

He didn’t even know if Buck liked men, random kiss from his previous fucked up vision aside.  
  
Instead of saying those self deprecating thoughts out loud, though, which seemed ironic given where he currently was, he shrugs helplessly. “I just don’t see the point.”  
  
Groaning, Christopher nudges his shoulder with his foot. “You’re really stubborn, Dad. Look, I have to go to school. So you’re on your own now. But don’t worry, I know you’ll figure it out.”  
  
He’s gone before Eddie can protest.

* * *

As he feels himself slipping once more, he soon becomes vividly aware of why he’d been left to his own devices for the remainder of his hellish pilgrimage through his head. Life comes at you fast when you’re a grown man dancing around his feelings like an astronomical dumbass.  
  
The first thing he feels is the hot water cascading down his back, and the warm body that he’s plastered up against. He hears a deep moan echoing off the walls of the shower—the station shower, they’re at the station—and it takes him a moment to register that the sound has come from his own mouth.

“Eddie. Faster,” Buck’s breathless voice pants out, as he curls one of his hands around Eddie’s. 

Something in the back of Eddie’s mind is reeling, but he obliges Buck’s request, pounding into him as he simultaneously slides his other hand from Buck’s hip and begins to stroke him at the same rapid pace.  
  
And then they’re both shuddering, grasping one another tightly, and Eddie sees fucking stars.  
  
Cautiously, tentatively, he’s overcome with the urge to place a gentle kiss against the back of Buck’s neck. However, just as his lips grace the soft, wet skin there, Buck ducks out of his embrace and pulls away. He looks back at Eddie, slightly confused, as he plainly states, “I thought that was off limits.”  
  
Eddie tilts his head to the side, because he can’t really fathom a situation where he’d be friends with benefits with Buck of all things. And yet, clearly his dumbassery manages to transcend universes in various forms of masochism. The words tumble out of his mouth, though he’s not really sure what he means by them, “I’m...sorry?”  
  
Buck narrows his eyes and shakes his head as he steps out of the shower and grabs a towel. “Right. I’ll see you later, man.”  
  
Eddie feels unsteady on his feet as he leans his forehead against the cool tile. He knows that thinking this way isn’t going to help him make any progress, but he can’t help but get tripped up on the lingering thought that this is probably all that Buck would want from him, anyway. He’s damaged goods, after all. 

As soon as he feels the floor beneath his feet begin to dip, Eddie sinks to the ground onto his knees and hangs his head. When he looks up again, he’s staring out into the dark waters dancing along the horizon. 

What’s the point in dredging up things buried in the mud and knocking down a fortress worth of walls if Buck would never feel the same, anyway?

* * *

Eddie blinks, and the soft hues of the sky before him are replaced with vivid blue. 

Vivid blue, ringed with red.  
  
Buck’s staring at him, as if he’s waiting for him to speak. They’re sitting in the back of his Jeep, and he’s looking at Eddie like he’s two seconds from breaking. His cheeks are shining with the ghosts of leftover tears. He takes a deep breath before he says, “So what, this is it then? You’re done?”  
  
Eddie’s eyes rove over Buck’s hair, which looks wild and untamed like someone’s just been running their hands through it, to his shirt that’s halfway off, and his pants that are unbuttoned.  
  
He can’t help but feel that all of this is a little unfair, because he has no context for whatever it is that he’s gotten himself into. It sends a sharp feeling sailing through his chest knowing that he’s likely the one that put that look of defeat on Buck’s face, and he can’t help but feel like he’s drowning.  
  
Clearly unimpressed by his silence, Buck carries on, “I don’t know why I even bothered to get my hopes up if you were just going to let Shannon continue to manipulate you back into her life. You guys got divorced, what, eight months ago? And now she shows back up after her latest little trip and decides to launch a custody battle and you fold like a fucking deck of cards?”

Eddie feels anger rise up in him. He’s got no idea when or where they are, but what Buck’s saying to him had been a very real fear for him at one time. A fear that he had clenched down tight between his teeth when Shannon had shown back up in his life right around the time he had simultaneously started his mental gymnastics over his feelings for Buck. He bites out, “I don’t want to be with her, Buck, but you know I can’t risk Christopher.”  
  
Buck laughs hollowly, “You say that like we haven’t had this conversation a million times. As if I don’t love that kid with every bone in my body. You can win this. I’m so fucking tired of you doubting yourself and thinking that you don’t also deserve to be happy. For once in your goddamn life, fight for you. At this point I don’t even care where I end up in all of this, I just want you to do something for yourself for once.”

“Okay, but what if I want you in the equation, too?” Eddie questions.  
  
Rolling his eyes, Buck scoffs as he does his pants back up and straightens out his shirt. He reaches for the door handle as he says evenly, “I’m not going to be your dirty little secret, Eddie. And you know that’s exactly how it’s going to be with Shannon in the picture again.”

Buck slams the door of the Jeep behind him, and Eddie watches him cross the parking lot and enter the station before leaning his head back against the headrest and closing his eyes. Soon after, the soft background noise of the rumbling fire trucks outside fades to a soft hum, and then there’s only silence.  
  
He doesn’t bother opening his eyes as he waits for the next exhausting transition.

* * *

Eddie feels a puff of air escape his chest as the sensation of gently being pushed backwards rolls over him, and he collapses softly onto a bed. He’s almost embarrassed to admit to himself how quickly he deduces that it’s Buck’s bed that he’s in, based on the lingering smell of the other man’s body wash. Yet he doesn’t have long to mull over that particular thought, as strong hands grip his forearms while someone climbs on top of him.  
  
Buck.  
  
Eddie’s breath catches in his throat as he looks up, because Buck looks unabashedly happy as he stares back down at him with open adoration. No anger, no bitterness, no hurt, and no hesitance. He dares to hope for but a moment that this is actually happening this time. 

Buck leans down and nuzzles his face against his neck, and Eddie shivers in response. The other man chuckles, kissing his way across his jaw while running a hand through his hair. He’s attentive, as he slowly trails his mouth between each of his cheeks, to the tip of his nose, to his forehead, and then finally brings their lips together. Eddie sighs into the kiss, reveling in the feeling of something tight beginning to unravel within his chest. 

Buck tugs at him and they roll onto their sides, facing one another. Soft morning light pours in through the windows of the loft and Eddie basks in the warmth, both from the sun and the happiness brimming within him. 

He wishes he could stay here, but he knows the moment will slip through his hands like the dark sands that await him.  
  
Though the beach is balmy in its own right, Eddie can still feel a stark drop in the temperature the moment the heat of Buck’s touch begins to fade.

* * *

He’s running.  
  
The pounding of his feet echoes off of the linoleum floors as he runs down the hallway of the hospital, dodging empty gurneys and people slowly milling about. Though he’s not yet certain where his legs are determinedly leading him, he can feel the purpose tugging deep within his heart. Then he’s bursting into a room, bending over and resting his hands on his thighs to catch his breath.  
  
He glances up, and his heart falls through the floor. Bobby and Maddie are flanking either side of a hospital bed, and Buck lies motionless in between them.

He looks bad, extremely bad. Eddie moves to approach him but he stumbles forward as his legs go weak beneath him. The knowledge of what occurred pours into his mind like a bucket of ice—it was his day off, and Hen’s name had lit up on his caller ID. Knowing she was working, dread had already begun to flood into his veins. Her eerily calm voice when he answered set off a million alarms in his head, but he urged her to tell him what had happened. The 118 had been responding to a gas leak, and the situation had become critical shortly after they arrived. Bobby had ordered them all to clear the building, but Buck was inside being a hero, because of course he was. There was an explosion, and Buck was thrown directly out of a sixth story window onto the pavement below. 

He had nearly died.  
  
Eddie chokes back a sob as Bobby approaches him. Maddie joins in, placing a gentle handle on his shoulder. She carefully asks, “Do you want to be alone with Evan for a bit, Eddie?”  
  
He nods, furiously wiping at the hot tears running down his face. “Is he…?”  
  
Bobby shakes his head, “He’s got severe burns and some broken bones, but the doctors think he’s going to be okay once he wakes up. He was really lucky.”  
  
Eddie processes the words slowly. “Once he wakes up…”  
  
Maddie gives him an understanding look, her eyes showing that she’s already done her fair share of crying before he arrived. “He...they think it might be a little while. It was a bad fall. But his vitals are strong.” She nods after the last part, almost as if she’s trying to reassure herself as well.

Bobby and Maddie leave Eddie alone with Buck, and he carefully takes a seat at his bedside and runs a shaking hand through the other man’s hair. He laces his left hand with Buck’s, and feels something cool resting against his fingers. He glances down to inspect the ring on Buck’s hand, and has a fleeting thought that he would likely start hysterically laughing at this point if he wasn’t on the verge of breaking down into tears again. 

The irony isn’t lost on him. Is this his mind’s sick way of proving a point? To put one final punctuation mark at the end of a miserable sentence, to knock him out of the unrealistic fantasy he had almost let himself get tangled up in? In their line of work, this risk was a hazard of the job. Every time that something terrible almost happened to Buck when he ran back into a building or performed some overly confident maneuver, Eddie felt his heart stop in his chest. The memory of the ladder truck explosion tasted like acid on his tongue.  
  
Buck wasn’t Eddie’s back then, no matter how badly he had wanted to shove Ali out of the way to stay at his bedside in the hospital that entire night. And he wasn’t his now, either. Whoever Buck was married to would certainly be walking through that door at any moment, and Eddie would have to go home and lick his own wounds that evening, wishing he were the one sitting there dutifully waiting for his husband to wake up. 

It’s then that he looks down at their joined hands, and realizes that there’s a ring on his own left hand as well. There’s absolutely no question as to what he’s looking at, because the rings match. They’re identical.  
  
“Oh,” he breathes out.  
  
A wonderfully pleasant feeling begins to seep through his bones, and Eddie gasps as his lungs seem to expand, and he inhales deeply  
  
And then a white hot searing pain shoots through him and he collapses.

* * *

Everything is loud and painful as Eddie’s vision hazily begins to focus on Buck. Buck, who is in his uniform, diving to the ground and screaming. It’s pouring rain and he’s digging frantically at the mud, hysterically calling out Eddie’s name. And then Bobby’s pulling him backwards, and the image before him fades.

* * *

Disorientated, Eddie’s heart is pounding as he begins to understand what’s happened. What’s happening. Why he’s here. 

The tunnel. 

He was in the tunnel and he cut his line and the earth collapsed in on him. He’s going to fucking _die_. 

The edges of his vision begin to go white, and Eddie clenches his hands in the sand beneath him as he tries to stave off the panic that’s threatening to send him over the edge. He stops, though, because he hears his name floating gently across the water in front of him.

“Eddie.”  
  
He looks up and spots a figure standing out in the water.  
  
“Buck,” he chokes out, as he stumbles to his feet. He trips, falling forward and splashing into the waves as they come toward him. His legs feel like they're made of lead and his chest aches with a sharp, stabbing pain. He thrashes and struggles until he’s waist deep, and then the ocean threatens to drag him under. His head feels like it’s going to split open from the effort as he cries out and pushes himself as hard as he can toward the figure that’s waiting for him out in the distance.  
  
And then a wave crashes over him.

* * *

Eddie resurfaces in a small body of water, gasping desperately for air and immediately paddling toward the shore with what little strength he has left. Perhaps it’s the taste of the air or the feeling in his bones, but he knows he’s back this time. He sees a house in the distance, and the trucks, and the camera crews, and... _Buck._  
  
Though he’s dead on his feet, Eddie manages to crawl and drag himself over to where his team and the rest of the rescue crew are gathered. He croaks out an unintelligible word to get their attention, and there’s a chorus of gasps and shouts as everyone begins to rush toward him.  
  
All he can see is Buck.

They lock eyes, and something deep within Eddie shifts.  
  
Buck holds his hand as they load him into the ambulance, and he doesn’t let go until he’s forced to when the hospital staff wheel him away. He’s at his bedside holding it again tightly though, once he’s placed in a room. Buck doesn’t let go again until he’s discharged at 3 o’clock in the morning, and even then it’s only to better utilize his hands to help get Eddie to his Jeep, which the team had been kind enough to drop off at the hospital in the aftermath of everything. 

Buck assures him that he’s already checked in on Christopher, who was having a sleepover at Abuela’s that night either way. When Eddie protests that they should pick him up, Buck shoots him a withering look as he pointedly motions toward the time displayed on the clock in his car, and then proceeds to wave a hand over Eddie’s figure.  
  
“Look at you, man. No. You need to do absolutely nothing but sleep. You’re going to sleep in tomorrow, and I’m going to go pick Christopher up and take him to school.”  
  
Eddie nods, too tired to argue. His limbs feel like they’re going to slip off.  
  
When they arrive back at Eddie’s house, Buck ushers him into the bathroom for a hot shower that he promises Eddie will be happy that he obliged later. He pokes his head into the room every couple of minutes, as if he’s checking Eddie’s shadow behind the frosted shower door to make sure he hasn’t fallen asleep and slipped and tumbled down the drain. When Eddie finishes towelling himself dry, Buck’s got a warm pile of clothes waiting for him that appear to have just been taken out of the dryer. His heart feels like it’s caught in his throat.  
  
Buck shakes his head when Eddie goes to step out of the bathroom, still working on towelling off his damp hair. He’s shivering slightly, unable to shake the deep cold that had settled within him in the depths of the tunnel. “You need to blow dry your hair, you can’t go to sleep like that.”  
  
Eddie furrows his brows, “I never dry my hair.”  
  
“Well, tonight’s different,” Buck retorts, arms crossed as he blocks the doorway. Eddie sighs, and bends down to take the blow dryer out of the cabinet. As he goes to straighten back up, he feels Buck take it from his hands. He looks over at the other man as he plugs it in, and Buck meets his eyes carefully in the mirror over the sink. 

He forgets why he’d put up a fight in the first place as the warm burst of air caresses his head, followed by the soft push and pull of Buck’s hands carding through his hair. He closes his eyes and tilts his head back slightly, sighing in contentment. Buck chuckles to himself softly.  
  
When Eddie’s as dry as he’s going to get, Buck steers him into his bedroom. Realizing that Buck’s not going to let up on taking care of him quite yet, he doesn’t even make a fuss when the other man pulls back the duvet and the sheets and waits for Eddie to slip under them before tucking him in.  
  
Buck gives him a small smile as he goes to turn off the lamp on the bedside table, and mumbles a soft ‘goodnight.’ As he goes to turn away and leave the room, Eddie’s hand shoots out and grasps his wrist before he can think twice about what he’s doing. The four letters that come out of his mouth are quiet, tired, and small, but their meaning hangs heavily in the air.

“Stay.”  
  
Buck’s eyes widen just a fraction before he quickly recovers and carefully says, “Don’t worry, I was planning to sleep over. Figured you wouldn’t want to be alone tonight. I’ll just be out on the couch, you know where to find me.”  
  
Shaking his head, Eddie tightens his grip on Buck’s wrist. “Buck, stay in here. With me. Please.” His voice shakes slightly on the last word.  
  
Buck looks at him in wonder, as something akin to hope flickers across his face. He nods once, and proceeds to change into a borrowed pair of sleeping clothes that he had pilfered from Eddie’s drawers while he was showering. He carefully slides under the covers beside him.  
  
In the quiet darkness of the room, where the only sound is their mingled breathing, Eddie swears he can hear the soft lapping of ocean waves once again. The sound doesn’t concern him though this time, rather, it makes him feel quite bold. It’s a reminder.  
  
He slides closer, closing the gap in between them as he places his hand over Buck’s and rests their foreheads together. Buck doesn’t hesitate to shift slightly as he tangles their legs together in turn. 

Eddie can feel Buck’s breath tickling gently against his lips as he speaks into the darkness, “I almost drowned down there.”  
  
He can feel Buck nodding against him. “I...you really scared me, Eddie.”

Sucking in a breath, Eddie replies, “I know. I’m sorry I cut my line. I don’t know what I was thinking.”  
  
Buck shifts slightly, so their noses brush together. “I was ready to go down there after you. Even after the collapse. I was...I don’t know. I was ready to dig through the mud with my bare hands if I had to.”  
  
There’s a searing, lingering memory on the edges of Eddie’s consciousness that confirms what Buck is saying, and it makes his heart ache. “I was scared I was never going to get to do this. But...the thought of Christopher...and the thought of you...fuck. I thought I was going to die, Buck. And thinking of the two of you is what gave me the strength to carry myself home.”  
  
He can feel his words washing over Buck as the other man replies, “You were scared you weren’t going to get to do what?”  
  
Throwing one last final bit of caution to the wind, Eddie pushes forward and closes the gap between them.  
  
Despite experiencing his fair share of stolen kisses with Buck within the trickery of his mind, nothing can compare to this. When their lips meet, Eddie feels the bitter chill within him reside as it’s overcome with an all-encompassing warmth. If leaning in for the kiss felt like diving off the edge of a cliff, this feels like flying. All of his nerve endings are singing, tinged with a pleasant, tingling feeling, as Buck opens his mouth and invites Eddie in further. 

Buck brings a hand to the back of Eddie’s head, cradling it gently as he brushes his other hand across his cheek. When they finally break apart for air, Eddie looks at him reverently. Taking a hold of Buck’s hand resting against his face, he kisses the inside of his wrist. Eddie hears Buck’s breath catch as he breathes out, “I will always come home to you, Evan.”  
  
Buck tilts his head up, kissing him softly on the forehead, and then brushes their noses together. Eddie can feel stray tears that have made their way down Buck’s cheeks as he responds, “I know, Eds. I know.”  
  
Eddie drifts off to sleep, and for once in his life he feels anchored safely at shore. 

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading! I'm glad to have finally been able to get this idea out of my head and put into words. As always, comments and kudos are so very appreciated <3


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